My Dad had some real good ones but they maybe a little rude to put on the forum. However if you want to use your imagination here are couple of his more mild ones :
'Red hat no dr..s '(I have never worn a red hat) .
' I'll never be rich, as long as I've a hole .. .. ....' and he never was and knew that he never would be .
No intention to offend. Just telling it like it was