J
Jerry
Guest
Seven BRAmaids for Seven BARmen
Cast
BARmen
Sir John the Younger of Solihull
Sir kandor and Sir Rod of Tamworth
Sir Dennis O’Staffs
Lord Postie of Meriden
Sir PaulJ - Knight Errant
The Great Sir Jerry of Birmingham - The greatest knight in all the land, Damsel Rescuer, Troubadour, Raconteur, Dragon Slayer and all round good egg!
( Listen pal, I’m writing this rubbish, I can big meself up if I want to, ok? )
BRAladies
Lady Diane of Cambridge
Princess Sue of Great Barr
Princess Grace - not of Monaco but the UK
Lady Sylvia of Birmingham
Lady Alberta of Solihull
And from the colonies…
Lady Kate of Tasmania
Lady Pomgolan of New Zealand
Also starring the mysterious Lady C
And a guest appearance from Princess Sue’s Mum
Saturday
The Great Hall at Castle BAR
The seven BARmen sit at the round table
“What a great life we lead” said the bold Knight Sir Jerry, “What more could we possibly ask?
Charge about on a steed, eat and drink and be merry, come now let’s open a cask”
“Tis a great life, that’s true,” said Sir Dennis O’Staffs, “Pass
me a haunch of that venison
Sit with my friends, quaff a brew, have some laughs, I tell you this life will do Dennis son!”
Cries of “well said” and “hear hear” from the other knights , all except Lord Postie
“You are quiet Lord Postie, what troubles you Sir? Please share your thoughts come along,
It’s not like you to pine so drink some more wine, join the party, let’s have a sing-song”
“I grow tired of this life, all this wining and dining and partying late with my pals
I have to confess that of late I’ve been pining, I think we should talk about gals!.”
“Let’s face it good friends we’re not very good at house keeping and cleaning and such
These tasks are not fitting for knights such as us, what we need is the feminine touch”
All activity stopped and a deathly hush fell as the knights looked aghast at their leader
“What?, take me a hag to moan and to nag night and day while I clothe her and feed her?”
“No, not a hag or a nagging old bag, I’ve been thinking this out for some time,
I’m thinking Sirrah of the ladies of BRA, those beauteous maidens sublime”
“The BRAmaids Milord?, I swear by my sword, you must have gone out of your head
The last time I asked one of them for a date she told me to go and drop dead”
“Sir Kandor my man, I have a great plan, I’ve been working this thing out for ages
I have an insider, a spy, “Lady C”, she’s loyal, I pay her good wages .”
“She’s discovered a tunnel running under the wall, it was dug by some monks long ago
There’s a secret door leading into the Great Hall, we can use it, the ladies won’t know”
“My spy has informed me that the BRAmaids are gathering to have a big party this Sunday
And when that lot get going, you know what they’re like, they’ll be drinking non-stop until Monday”
“I’ll give Lady C this powder you see, a sleeping draught to mix with their drinks
And when they’re asleep we’ll kidnap the lot and they’ll soon grow to love us methinks”
“After the snatch, this great ruse will I hatch, Lady C will set fire to their castle
We’ll say that we rescued them, saving their lives, that way we won’t get any hassle”
“They’ll be happy as turkeys on Boxing Day when they think that their lives have been spared
We’ll invite them to stay here, they can have the West Wing, while their castle is being repaired”
Their motherly instincts will come to the fore when they see how we’ve let the place go
I bet we can get them to do every chore, cook and clean, wash and dry, stitch and sew
And when they have been here some time they’ll discover our intellect, courage and charms
And ere this is over those beauties sublime will be falling right into our arms
“What say ye bold knights is this not a blinder? The best plan I’ve thought up in years”
The knights clap and shout and Lord Postie walks out to the sound of their rapturous cheers
Sunday Afternoon
The Great Hall at Castle BRA
The seven BRAladies recline on their chaise longues and armchairs
“What a great life we lead” said the fair Lady Kate, pass me some chocolates please do
Some truffles perhaps and some salmon en crout and a large Babycham, make it two
“You’re right Kate my dear” said the fair Princess Sue, “this life that we have is so hearty”
“The girls are all here, I don’t know about you , but I think we should kick off the party”
“Get stuck in me babs we’ve got pheasant, kebabs, we’ve got oysters and fresh foie de gras
Best champagne and wine, a feast that’s divine, not like them yobbos at BAR
Those pathetic BARmen, bet it’s venison again, washed down with gallons of ale
Just sitting and slurping and spitting and burping, the thought of it makes you turn pale
Come let’s drink champagne and brandy and sherry and dance to the waltz and veleta
Come ladies of BRA let’s sing and be merry and knock back the sauce by the litreSunday Night
The great hall at Castle BRA
Now do we see the fair Lady C handing out several large drinks
The maids, in a heap, all fall down and sleep, there’s mischief afoot here methinks.
She crosses the floor and opens the door to let in the BARknights so bold
“Well done lady C,” said Lord Postie with glee, “it’s going just as I foretold”
“Look sharp now brave knights before they awake and load them all into the wagons”
We’ll load all their clothes and belongings as well then get back and open some flagons”
Monday Morning
The West wing at Castle Bar
“ Strewth what a night” cries the fair Lady Kate “someone’s playing drums in me head
Me feet won’t obey orders, Gawd what a state, hang on, this isn’t my bed!
“Ah good, your awake”, said the fair lady C, poking her head round the door
“I’ll help you get dressed and then follow me out to the hall where I’ll tell you the score”
The maids all convene in the West Wing Great Hall, Lady C then proceeds to recite
The tale of the fire and the peril they faced and how they were rescued that night
“The BARknights assure me the damage was slight and the repairs should take but a week
Methinks we’ve no choice but to stay here till then, or else we’ll be right up the creek
The horror was plain on the BRAladies faces as they sat there and looked at each other
“Trapped with them yobs in Castle BAR of all places, the thought of it just makes me shudder”
“Still, for their sins, they did save our skins and though the very thought of it’s hateful
We’ll have to accept their invite to stay, go and tell them and say we are grateful”
Tuesday
The courtship begins
Princess Grace’s chamber
“Of scrubbing and cleaning and such I grow weary, this work doesn’t suit me I think
To a Lady of breeding this work is just dreary, hang on, what’s that terrible stink?”
The door opens and Lady C announces “Lord Postie of Meriden to see you My Lady”
“Good Day Princess Grace I've admired you afar for many a year I confess
And now I have come here to plight you my troth, by the way I do like that dress"
"What dress? it's a pinny you ale sodden ninny, I’ve been skivvying hard all the morning
Admired from afar? not far enough mate! now listen, this is a warning!.
“I’ve had it with all of this cleaning and stuff and you’re on a real sticky wicket
So about turn and vanish, I’ve had more than enough, and as for your troth you can stick it!”
Exit lord Postie, mumbling "It looks like a dress to me, I'm glad I didn't bother shaving now"
Lady Sylvia’s chamber
“I’ve been cleaning and baking and my whole body’s aching, I think that to stay here was wrong
They’re piling more work on, the micky they’re taking, Oh God, what’s that terrrible pong!”
The door opens and Lady C announces “Sir John The Younger to see you My Lady”
“Lady Sylvia, at last, I have dreamed of this day, I think you’re a right little raver
I adore you so please don’t turn me away, please tell me you’ll give me your favour”
“He stands there with holes in his doublet and hose, my favour he asks if you please
Well now tell me this, if he’s come to propose, how come I’m the one on me knees?”
"My favour? forget it, and you can be sure, if you come near me I'll brain you I swear
On yer bike son, just turn and get back out that door, Oh my God something moved in your hair!
Exit Sir John, scratching his head in puzzlement - but carefully!
Lady Diane's chamber
"I'm a good girl I am and I don't deserve this after learning to talk like a swell
Another four days of this? my butt you can kiss and 'ere wot's that 'orrible smell
The door opens and Lady C announces [color=red[color=blue]]"Sir Rod of Tamworth to see you My Lady"[/color][/color]
"My Lady Diane, please stop if you can, for a minute from doing those chores
I've come here today to say I'm your man so just say the word and I'm yours"
"I've been grafting all day without any pay, it's ruined me nails - they were lacquered____________________________________________________________
(Interactive readers can press the red button to fill in the next line themselves)
"Don't you come here with your big city talk, trying to turn a girl's head
You'd better leave now while you're able to walk, if you come near me I swear you'll be dead
Exit Sir rod muttering "women are odd chaps"
Lady Alberta's chamber
"I've been washing and ironing and scrubbing all day, you'd think that they'd have a front loader
I'm fed up of this housework without any pay, good grief, what's that horrible odour?"
The door opens and lady C announces "Sir Dennis O' Staffs to see you My Lady"
"My Lady Alberta, come fill my cup, I can confess to you my true feeling
I want to propose but I'll stay standing up, it's arthritis, can't handle the kneeling
"Just let me say that I've had a rough day and I've still got a headache from Sunday
I've spent the whole morning washing long johns, believe me this wasn't a fun day"
"A marriage proposal? surely you jest, I think that I'd rather be dead
Begone Sir I warn you and quickly too lest I wrap this bed pan round your head"
Exit Sir dennis muttering "I'm glad that arthritis hasn't gone to my elbow, I need a drink"
Lady Pomgolan's chamber
"Washing and scrubbing, hands chafed and red, I feel like a scullery wench
If I was at home I'd be lying in bed, Good Lord what's that terrible stench?"
The door opens and Lady C announces " Sir Paul to see you My Lady"
"My dear lady Pom I have travelled the land and no place have I seen one so fair
Say you'll be mine, that you'll give me your hand, I think that we'd make a great pair"
"Be off with you sir, you look a right state, if you come near me I'll break every bone
Marry you? huh I'll tell you what mate, you must have just come from the Twilight Zone"
Exit Sir Paul muttering "What's she on about, Twilight Zone?, must be something to do with the time difference, she is from the colonies"
Princess Sue's chamber
"This work is unseemly for one of my breeding my joints are all aching and stiff
At least Mom's come over to help with the weeding, 'pon my soul what's that horrible whiff?"
The door opens and lady C announces "Sir Kandor to see you My Lady"
"My sweet Princess Sue, with no chaperone, I hope you won't think me amiss
I've been waiting all day just to get you alone, come on and give us a kiss!"
"Help, he's attacked me!, Mom can you hear? help me or I'll be a goner
Get in quick Mom and help 'cos he's mad and I fear for my life and my honour"
"Kandor, unhand her, you malodorous dwarf, for I have been pruning the roses
I still have the secateurs here in my hand and you know what a danger that poses"
"I'll not let you manhandle my sweet daughter Sue, I'll teach you a lesson, you nut
There, you can sing in the choir again now, for that was the unkindest cut"
Exit Kandor singing "Oh for the wings, for the wings of a dove...."
Lady Kate's chamber
"Darning and mending and jobs never ending I don't think I can last for a week
My whole body's aching from kneeling and bending, Ye Gods whats that horrible reek?"
The door opens and Lady C announces "It's Sir Jerry My Lady, the greatest knight in all the land, damsel rescuer....[/b]
YEAH, YEAH, WE KNOW ALL THAT, GET ON WITH IT!
"Oh fair Lady Kate, a lifetime it seems, I have dreamt of your beauty divine
For you are the one, the girl of my dreams, please tell me that you will be mine"
"Oh noble Sir Jerry, you are not without charm, we could have lots of fun, get my drift?
I've just noticed that parcel that's under your arm, how thoughtful, you've brought me a gift "
"Your words fill me with joy, I hope your not joshing, I must rush and tell all my cohorts
The parcel you say? oh that's just some washing, some socks and a pair of old shorts"
When next he woke up he was outside Kate's door with a pair of his shorts on his head
"Why did she hit me? my heads really sore, perhaps it was something I said"
On Wednesday and Thursday no more words were spoken, The maids stayed inside the West Wing
On Friday they left and returned to BRA castle and that was the end of the thing
Saturday
BRA castle
"Thank Heaven it's over, we're back home at last, living in that place was awful You wouldn't keep pigs in conditions like that, you'd be had up, it wouldn't be lawful"
"lets celebrate girls and pour some champagne, 'cos it's time for a party I think
Forget all about those BARknights now girls, they're rude and they're crude and they stink!"
"What you say, Princess Sue, is undoubtedly true" said lady Kate, by this time quite merry
but with one I was taken, don't know about you, but I quite liked that young one, Sir Jerry"
"You mean Sir jerry the greatest knight in all the....
YEAH YEAH DON'T GO ON!
"Sir Jerry hey?, hmm,
Pour me another drink and pass the oysters!"
Saturday
BAR Castle
"Well your plan didn't work, Lord Postie old son, thank Zeus they've all gone home at last
Keep that venison turning and pour some more ale, start the party off, let's have a blast
"Women, old friends, are not like us blokes, stout of heart, couragious and trusty
One of 'em washed my chain mail you know and now the whole things going rusty"
"Have you any idea, my good friends, I beg, what Sol the armourer charges for chain?
A new suit will cost me an arm and a leg, yes women are really a pain"
"Come be of good cheer, Sir Kandor is here, with a new song he learnt from the skinner
Come kandor old friend, I'll pour you a beer and we'll have a sing-song before dinner"
The BARknights all start stamping their feet on the floor and a falsetto voice sings "Bless Your Beautiful Hide.....
THE END
Cast
BARmen
Sir John the Younger of Solihull
Sir kandor and Sir Rod of Tamworth
Sir Dennis O’Staffs
Lord Postie of Meriden
Sir PaulJ - Knight Errant
The Great Sir Jerry of Birmingham - The greatest knight in all the land, Damsel Rescuer, Troubadour, Raconteur, Dragon Slayer and all round good egg!
( Listen pal, I’m writing this rubbish, I can big meself up if I want to, ok? )
BRAladies
Lady Diane of Cambridge
Princess Sue of Great Barr
Princess Grace - not of Monaco but the UK
Lady Sylvia of Birmingham
Lady Alberta of Solihull
And from the colonies…
Lady Kate of Tasmania
Lady Pomgolan of New Zealand
Also starring the mysterious Lady C
And a guest appearance from Princess Sue’s Mum
Saturday
The Great Hall at Castle BAR
The seven BARmen sit at the round table
“What a great life we lead” said the bold Knight Sir Jerry, “What more could we possibly ask?
Charge about on a steed, eat and drink and be merry, come now let’s open a cask”
“Tis a great life, that’s true,” said Sir Dennis O’Staffs, “Pass
me a haunch of that venison
Sit with my friends, quaff a brew, have some laughs, I tell you this life will do Dennis son!”
Cries of “well said” and “hear hear” from the other knights , all except Lord Postie
“You are quiet Lord Postie, what troubles you Sir? Please share your thoughts come along,
It’s not like you to pine so drink some more wine, join the party, let’s have a sing-song”
“I grow tired of this life, all this wining and dining and partying late with my pals
I have to confess that of late I’ve been pining, I think we should talk about gals!.”
“Let’s face it good friends we’re not very good at house keeping and cleaning and such
These tasks are not fitting for knights such as us, what we need is the feminine touch”
All activity stopped and a deathly hush fell as the knights looked aghast at their leader
“What?, take me a hag to moan and to nag night and day while I clothe her and feed her?”
“No, not a hag or a nagging old bag, I’ve been thinking this out for some time,
I’m thinking Sirrah of the ladies of BRA, those beauteous maidens sublime”
“The BRAmaids Milord?, I swear by my sword, you must have gone out of your head
The last time I asked one of them for a date she told me to go and drop dead”
“Sir Kandor my man, I have a great plan, I’ve been working this thing out for ages
I have an insider, a spy, “Lady C”, she’s loyal, I pay her good wages .”
“She’s discovered a tunnel running under the wall, it was dug by some monks long ago
There’s a secret door leading into the Great Hall, we can use it, the ladies won’t know”
“My spy has informed me that the BRAmaids are gathering to have a big party this Sunday
And when that lot get going, you know what they’re like, they’ll be drinking non-stop until Monday”
“I’ll give Lady C this powder you see, a sleeping draught to mix with their drinks
And when they’re asleep we’ll kidnap the lot and they’ll soon grow to love us methinks”
“After the snatch, this great ruse will I hatch, Lady C will set fire to their castle
We’ll say that we rescued them, saving their lives, that way we won’t get any hassle”
“They’ll be happy as turkeys on Boxing Day when they think that their lives have been spared
We’ll invite them to stay here, they can have the West Wing, while their castle is being repaired”
Their motherly instincts will come to the fore when they see how we’ve let the place go
I bet we can get them to do every chore, cook and clean, wash and dry, stitch and sew
And when they have been here some time they’ll discover our intellect, courage and charms
And ere this is over those beauties sublime will be falling right into our arms
“What say ye bold knights is this not a blinder? The best plan I’ve thought up in years”
The knights clap and shout and Lord Postie walks out to the sound of their rapturous cheers
Sunday Afternoon
The Great Hall at Castle BRA
The seven BRAladies recline on their chaise longues and armchairs
“What a great life we lead” said the fair Lady Kate, pass me some chocolates please do
Some truffles perhaps and some salmon en crout and a large Babycham, make it two
“You’re right Kate my dear” said the fair Princess Sue, “this life that we have is so hearty”
“The girls are all here, I don’t know about you , but I think we should kick off the party”
“Get stuck in me babs we’ve got pheasant, kebabs, we’ve got oysters and fresh foie de gras
Best champagne and wine, a feast that’s divine, not like them yobbos at BAR
Those pathetic BARmen, bet it’s venison again, washed down with gallons of ale
Just sitting and slurping and spitting and burping, the thought of it makes you turn pale
Come let’s drink champagne and brandy and sherry and dance to the waltz and veleta
Come ladies of BRA let’s sing and be merry and knock back the sauce by the litreSunday Night
The great hall at Castle BRA
Now do we see the fair Lady C handing out several large drinks
The maids, in a heap, all fall down and sleep, there’s mischief afoot here methinks.
She crosses the floor and opens the door to let in the BARknights so bold
“Well done lady C,” said Lord Postie with glee, “it’s going just as I foretold”
“Look sharp now brave knights before they awake and load them all into the wagons”
We’ll load all their clothes and belongings as well then get back and open some flagons”
Monday Morning
The West wing at Castle Bar
“ Strewth what a night” cries the fair Lady Kate “someone’s playing drums in me head
Me feet won’t obey orders, Gawd what a state, hang on, this isn’t my bed!
“Ah good, your awake”, said the fair lady C, poking her head round the door
“I’ll help you get dressed and then follow me out to the hall where I’ll tell you the score”
The maids all convene in the West Wing Great Hall, Lady C then proceeds to recite
The tale of the fire and the peril they faced and how they were rescued that night
“The BARknights assure me the damage was slight and the repairs should take but a week
Methinks we’ve no choice but to stay here till then, or else we’ll be right up the creek
The horror was plain on the BRAladies faces as they sat there and looked at each other
“Trapped with them yobs in Castle BAR of all places, the thought of it just makes me shudder”
“Still, for their sins, they did save our skins and though the very thought of it’s hateful
We’ll have to accept their invite to stay, go and tell them and say we are grateful”
Tuesday
The courtship begins
Princess Grace’s chamber
“Of scrubbing and cleaning and such I grow weary, this work doesn’t suit me I think
To a Lady of breeding this work is just dreary, hang on, what’s that terrible stink?”
The door opens and Lady C announces “Lord Postie of Meriden to see you My Lady”
“Good Day Princess Grace I've admired you afar for many a year I confess
And now I have come here to plight you my troth, by the way I do like that dress"
"What dress? it's a pinny you ale sodden ninny, I’ve been skivvying hard all the morning
Admired from afar? not far enough mate! now listen, this is a warning!.
“I’ve had it with all of this cleaning and stuff and you’re on a real sticky wicket
So about turn and vanish, I’ve had more than enough, and as for your troth you can stick it!”
Exit lord Postie, mumbling "It looks like a dress to me, I'm glad I didn't bother shaving now"
Lady Sylvia’s chamber
“I’ve been cleaning and baking and my whole body’s aching, I think that to stay here was wrong
They’re piling more work on, the micky they’re taking, Oh God, what’s that terrrible pong!”
The door opens and Lady C announces “Sir John The Younger to see you My Lady”
“Lady Sylvia, at last, I have dreamed of this day, I think you’re a right little raver
I adore you so please don’t turn me away, please tell me you’ll give me your favour”
“He stands there with holes in his doublet and hose, my favour he asks if you please
Well now tell me this, if he’s come to propose, how come I’m the one on me knees?”
"My favour? forget it, and you can be sure, if you come near me I'll brain you I swear
On yer bike son, just turn and get back out that door, Oh my God something moved in your hair!
Exit Sir John, scratching his head in puzzlement - but carefully!
Lady Diane's chamber
"I'm a good girl I am and I don't deserve this after learning to talk like a swell
Another four days of this? my butt you can kiss and 'ere wot's that 'orrible smell
The door opens and Lady C announces [color=red[color=blue]]"Sir Rod of Tamworth to see you My Lady"[/color][/color]
"My Lady Diane, please stop if you can, for a minute from doing those chores
I've come here today to say I'm your man so just say the word and I'm yours"
"I've been grafting all day without any pay, it's ruined me nails - they were lacquered____________________________________________________________
(Interactive readers can press the red button to fill in the next line themselves)
"Don't you come here with your big city talk, trying to turn a girl's head
You'd better leave now while you're able to walk, if you come near me I swear you'll be dead
Exit Sir rod muttering "women are odd chaps"
Lady Alberta's chamber
"I've been washing and ironing and scrubbing all day, you'd think that they'd have a front loader
I'm fed up of this housework without any pay, good grief, what's that horrible odour?"
The door opens and lady C announces "Sir Dennis O' Staffs to see you My Lady"
"My Lady Alberta, come fill my cup, I can confess to you my true feeling
I want to propose but I'll stay standing up, it's arthritis, can't handle the kneeling
"Just let me say that I've had a rough day and I've still got a headache from Sunday
I've spent the whole morning washing long johns, believe me this wasn't a fun day"
"A marriage proposal? surely you jest, I think that I'd rather be dead
Begone Sir I warn you and quickly too lest I wrap this bed pan round your head"
Exit Sir dennis muttering "I'm glad that arthritis hasn't gone to my elbow, I need a drink"
Lady Pomgolan's chamber
"Washing and scrubbing, hands chafed and red, I feel like a scullery wench
If I was at home I'd be lying in bed, Good Lord what's that terrible stench?"
The door opens and Lady C announces " Sir Paul to see you My Lady"
"My dear lady Pom I have travelled the land and no place have I seen one so fair
Say you'll be mine, that you'll give me your hand, I think that we'd make a great pair"
"Be off with you sir, you look a right state, if you come near me I'll break every bone
Marry you? huh I'll tell you what mate, you must have just come from the Twilight Zone"
Exit Sir Paul muttering "What's she on about, Twilight Zone?, must be something to do with the time difference, she is from the colonies"
Princess Sue's chamber
"This work is unseemly for one of my breeding my joints are all aching and stiff
At least Mom's come over to help with the weeding, 'pon my soul what's that horrible whiff?"
The door opens and lady C announces "Sir Kandor to see you My Lady"
"My sweet Princess Sue, with no chaperone, I hope you won't think me amiss
I've been waiting all day just to get you alone, come on and give us a kiss!"
"Help, he's attacked me!, Mom can you hear? help me or I'll be a goner
Get in quick Mom and help 'cos he's mad and I fear for my life and my honour"
"Kandor, unhand her, you malodorous dwarf, for I have been pruning the roses
I still have the secateurs here in my hand and you know what a danger that poses"
"I'll not let you manhandle my sweet daughter Sue, I'll teach you a lesson, you nut
There, you can sing in the choir again now, for that was the unkindest cut"
Exit Kandor singing "Oh for the wings, for the wings of a dove...."
Lady Kate's chamber
"Darning and mending and jobs never ending I don't think I can last for a week
My whole body's aching from kneeling and bending, Ye Gods whats that horrible reek?"
The door opens and Lady C announces "It's Sir Jerry My Lady, the greatest knight in all the land, damsel rescuer....[/b]
YEAH, YEAH, WE KNOW ALL THAT, GET ON WITH IT!
"Oh fair Lady Kate, a lifetime it seems, I have dreamt of your beauty divine
For you are the one, the girl of my dreams, please tell me that you will be mine"
"Oh noble Sir Jerry, you are not without charm, we could have lots of fun, get my drift?
I've just noticed that parcel that's under your arm, how thoughtful, you've brought me a gift "
"Your words fill me with joy, I hope your not joshing, I must rush and tell all my cohorts
The parcel you say? oh that's just some washing, some socks and a pair of old shorts"
When next he woke up he was outside Kate's door with a pair of his shorts on his head
"Why did she hit me? my heads really sore, perhaps it was something I said"
On Wednesday and Thursday no more words were spoken, The maids stayed inside the West Wing
On Friday they left and returned to BRA castle and that was the end of the thing
Saturday
BRA castle
"Thank Heaven it's over, we're back home at last, living in that place was awful You wouldn't keep pigs in conditions like that, you'd be had up, it wouldn't be lawful"
"lets celebrate girls and pour some champagne, 'cos it's time for a party I think
Forget all about those BARknights now girls, they're rude and they're crude and they stink!"
"What you say, Princess Sue, is undoubtedly true" said lady Kate, by this time quite merry
but with one I was taken, don't know about you, but I quite liked that young one, Sir Jerry"
"You mean Sir jerry the greatest knight in all the....
YEAH YEAH DON'T GO ON!
"Sir Jerry hey?, hmm,
Pour me another drink and pass the oysters!"
Saturday
BAR Castle
"Well your plan didn't work, Lord Postie old son, thank Zeus they've all gone home at last
Keep that venison turning and pour some more ale, start the party off, let's have a blast
"Women, old friends, are not like us blokes, stout of heart, couragious and trusty
One of 'em washed my chain mail you know and now the whole things going rusty"
"Have you any idea, my good friends, I beg, what Sol the armourer charges for chain?
A new suit will cost me an arm and a leg, yes women are really a pain"
"Come be of good cheer, Sir Kandor is here, with a new song he learnt from the skinner
Come kandor old friend, I'll pour you a beer and we'll have a sing-song before dinner"
The BARknights all start stamping their feet on the floor and a falsetto voice sings "Bless Your Beautiful Hide.....
THE END
