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Silly Rhymes.

one fine day in the middle of the night.
two dead men got up to fight
two blind men to watch fair play
two lame men to carry them away
 
The Opies have a slightly longer version:
Not last night but the night before,
Two tom cats came knocking at my door;
I went downstairs to let them in,
They knocked me down with a rolling pin.
The rolling pin was made of brass,
They turned me up and smacked my a--e.​
 
Yes the tom cat one is correct. There used to be a lot of tongue twister rhymes as well. How much oil could gum boil boil if a gum boil could boil oil.
 
The Opies record this one from Birmingham in the 1950s, well after Charle Chaplin's heyday (to the tune "Gentle Jesus"):
Charlie Chaplin, meek and mild,
Took a sausage off a child.
When the child began to cry
Charlie sloshed him in the eye.
Yes, Charlie did it,
Yes, Charlie did it,
Yes, Charlie did it,​

The kids will tell you so.​
 
Surprised the following one has not been posted yet.As kids in the 1940s we used to think it was quite risque.Well we did till we were six or seven
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I've often seen her little lamb
but have never seen her bear
 
Pembroke said:
Hi mariew and Fatfingers
I think after two days the following has eventually forced its way through the mist of old age
One two three mother caught a flea
Put it in the teapot to make a cup of tea
The flea jumped out
Mother gave a shout
and in came a copper with his shirt hanging out.

Pembroke
Click to expand...

Thank you so much Pembroke.
 
one fine day in the middle of the night two dead men got up to fight two blind men to see fair play two deaf & dumb to shout hooray.
 
Another one from the Opies' book, which many of us will recognize. This is an 1892 version recorded in Birmingham:
What's your name? Mary Jane.
Where do you live? Womber Lane.
What do you do? Keep a school.
How many scholars? Twenty-two.
How many more? Twenty-four.
What's your number? Cucumber.​
 
I remember a lot of the rhymes posted,nearly all infact,though with a few changes to the words.

Not last night but the night before,
three little monky,s came knocking at the door,one had a trumpet,one had a drum,
and the other had a pancake stuck to his bum.

The above being just one.

I have taught my grandson this one,(he is 4 next month),i get him to tell it to his nana,
Oh nana,s a funny un
got a face like a pickled onion,
a nose like a squashed tomato,
and feet like flat fish.

I,m sure there must be more to this,just cannot remember.
Does anyone remember the "there,s a hole in my bucket" one?,i,m amazed reading through the posts at how many came flooding back,lovely memories folks.
 
GGJean a few more for you
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
Between two chunks of bread

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its ar**
And turned its wool to nylon
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To have a little fun..
Jill, the dill,
Forgot her pill,
And now they have a son.
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.
​


 
My nan used to say;

If ifs and buts were nuts and bolts we'd all be chewing and cracking.

My dad used to sing, whilst carrying me upstairs on his back to bed;

Up the wooden hills to bedfordshire
Daddy was the old gee gee

Patience is a virtue
Possess it if you can
Seldom Found in Women
But never in a man is one my mom would repeat often.
 
What will you have said the waiter
furtively picking his nose
two hard boiled eggs you dirty git
you can't get your fingers in those
 
Thanks Carolina. These do bring back fond memories. What was the one you used to sing about somebody sitting in the grass and along came a bumble bee and stung her up her ask no questions tell no lies and that is then end of my little lies. I can't remember the other bits though. Jean.
 
Mary had a little lamb, she thought it rather silly,
She threw it up into the air and caught it by it's...
Willie was a sheep dog sitting on the ground
Along came a bee and stung him on his....
Ask no questions tell no lies,
Ever see a p'liceman doing up his....
Flies are a nuisance, bugs are worse
And this is the end of my silly little verse.
 
I can't handle this tonight. I have a wind up going on on face book with one of our twins and his wife and our other twin are in on it while I am drinking a glass of his home made wine he sent me and my eyes are watering. I like nights like this. Jean.
 
Will listen to sweet violets in the morning as Pete has gone to bed and don't want to disturb him. Jean.
 
Another couple of gems from Opie & Opie:
Okey-pokey penny a lump,
The more you eat the more you jump.​
["Okey-pokey" is apparently ice-cream (does anyone remember this?). The Opies suggest it may have come from Italian ice-cream sellers crying "O che poco! (O how little)".]

And another version of one posted earlier:
Rusty nut fell in the cut
And frightened all the fishes.
A fish jumped up and bit his nut
And made him wash the dishes.​
 
Another from Opie & Opie:
Multiplication is vexation,
Division is as bad.
The Rule of Three
Does puzzle me
And practice drives me mad.​
This rhyme is very old; a version from as early as 1570 is quoted:
Multiplication is mie vexation
And division quite as bad.
The Golden Rule is mie stumbling stule,
And Practice makes me mad.​
 
Another couple of Birmingham rhymes from the Opies' book:
Mind your own business,
Fry your own fish;
Don't poke your nose
Into my clean dish.

Big head bucket baseball,
Kick it like a caseball,
When your mother gives you one
You cry for another one.​
 
Mary had a pocket watch
she swallowed it one day
& now she''s taking laxatives
to pass the time away

The girl stood on the burning deck
her name was tugboat Annie
the flames shot up the leg of her drawers
& *** ***** ** *****

(use your imagination ! )
 
My old man's a dustman, he wears a dustmans hat
he took me round the corner, to see a football match.
The ball was in the centre, the rusty whistle blew,
Fatty passed to skinny, and down the wing he flew.
Skinny passed to fatty, fatty passed it back,
Skinny took a flying shot and Knocked the goalie flat.
Where was the goalie when the ball was in the net
half way up the goalpost with his trousers round his neck
They laid him on a stretcher, they laid him on a bed,
They rubbed his belly with cast iron jelly and this is what he said
Rule Britania, three monkeys up a stick
One fell down and hurt his..
Dickie was a bulldog, sitting on the grass, along came a bumblebee and stung him on the...
Ask no questions tell no lies, have you ever seen a chinaman doing up his....
Flies are a nuisance bugs are worse, that is the end of my little..
versus Arsenal one, if you don't like it you can stick it up your...
Bumdidy bum bum, Bum Bum.

Aunty mary had a canary
Up the left of her drawers
When it came down
It whistled a tune
I'm the cock of the North (This is the clean version)
 
Left the name at the beginning out as I'm not sure if it was a real person. Anybody who lived near the Atlas in Cattell Rd might know;

M##### M####ly sells fish
Three hapence a dish
Dont buy it, dont buy it
It stinks when you fry it.
 
In days of old when Knights were bold, and Ladies were`nt invented, the Knights bored holes in telegraph poles, and used them quite contented. Len.
 
That the good thing about this thread....It has no tone to lower....( If I had some Smilies I would put a few in but they seem to have gone off somewhere)
 
OK, OK, well if we're going down that road...

In days of old
When Knights were bold
and newspaper wasn't invented.
They'd wipe their a**e
on a blade of grass
and walk away quite contented!

(where have the smilies gone?)
 
My mom told all us kids and grandchildren this one.....ill tell you a story about a snail who jumped in the fire and burned his tail.....the fire was so hot he jumped in the pot.... The pot was so round he jumped on the ground ..the ground was so flat he jumped on the hat ...the hat was so flat he jumped on the cat .and the cat ran away with the snail on his back.... Anyone ever hear it ??
 
Another couple of Opie Birmingham rhymes (the first recited at the sight of an ambulance passing):
Cross my fingers,
Cross my toes,
Hope I don't go
In one of those.

I say what a smasher,
Pick it up and slosh it at her.
If you miss
Give her a kiss,
I say what a smasher.​
 
If you saw an ambulance as kids wed say ............hold your collar never swallow till you see a four legged animal...?????
 
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