Where to point.

[Kandor]

I haven't written anything here this last week, to be honest I'm been struggling to get out of a very dark place, I have those days, luckily now, not so many, but they still pop up, I guess they always will.
I work for Birmingham Council, we are the largest local authority in Europe, we also look after over 50,000 homes, 50,000 families...so of course we sometimes get things wrong, any organisation that size has to.
It was reported yesterday that a Mr Ishaq Zaire was quoted as saying he is very angry at how his daughter was let down, the childs grandmother Mrs Clarke has also issued a statement claiming she is disgusted on how we let her grandaughter down and failed to care for her wellbeing, both claim there will be repercussions.
Amazing isn't it how these people rush to a newspaper to tell the world of their tragedy yet in real life rarely care enough to travel a 100 yards to that childs home?
The 7 year old girl was by all accounts, starved to death over the last 8 weeks.
So here we have an alleged Father and Grandmother outraged by the fact social services and all the world etc, had allowed a little girl to die through inaction on all our parts.
For starters no REAL father doesn't see his children for 8 weeks..(yes I know there are extenuating circumstances such as a parent being in the services, working away etc) but this was not the case here..
I'm a Grandfather and a dad..I speak to my children every day and frankly I'd stress out if I never saw or heard off them for a week.
Also in EVERY one of my calls I always say two things..I love you and is everything all right.. (the last one usually being a form of coded message meaning, 'do you have any money problems')
So back to this family..
Real caring parents (divorced or not) keep in touch, Grandmothers are supposed to be..well Grandmothers..
Don't not see your family for two months plus when they live only a few streets away then claim it's US who let them down..what happened to your roles? your sense of responsibility?
What happened to caring and being compassionate?
Did the Father know the Mother had taken them from school? did the Grandmom? if not, you bloody well should have..

The next thing is I assure you,100% true.
I do not say it was the actual call relating to the above, as I do not wish to run the risk of libel, but I do assure you it is true and like all those calls, was recorded.
One of the guys who works with me has a partner who works on the emergency switchboard, this lady took an actual call last week off a Mother who had phoned to say she thought her 7 year daughter was dead
When asked if the child was breathing, the women replied 'No'
She was then asked if she knew CPR and could she be talked through helping the girl until the Ambulance came.
The woman refused saying, 'No, that's their job'
So this is what I would like a certain Father and Grandmother to do..
Find a large mirror, stand in front of it, stretch out your right hand, then extend the digit next to your thumb..
There..now study that picture..
you want to point the finger of blame?
You have an excellent place to start.

 

[Charlie]

My thoughts exactly Kandor. How can blood relatives not know the children were having problems. How could they shrug their shoulders and walk away if they couldn't get an answer on the door or by telephone. How could they ignore their own children/grandchildren.
Too many people are willing to blame everyone but themselves for any problems these days. I hope these are isolated cases and I know the majority of parents/grandparents are kind and loving people..but sometimes, just sometimes, I fear for the world we live in now. When did the human race become so uncaring, selfish, moneygrabbing, and celebrity-obsessed as we are today. Some read avidly every article going about drug-taking celebrities and trainee gangsters with knives and guns on the streets, yet don't know the name of the people who live next door - let alone care what happens to them. No-one wants to interfere. Fine - but your our kin?! It makes me very angry and sad.
But I hope you're feeling better Kandor.

 

[beatrice]

I agree with you on this Kandor.

Obviously we don't know the real story here but I do get frustrated when relatives try to blame agencies for failures when they themselves don't appear to have cared enough to check on their own family.

It makes you wonder at their motives - maybe it's guilt that drives them to try and point the finger elsewhere.

My family is everything to me so I struggle to empathise at all with the family in this case.

 

[Catkin]

Hello Kandor, I do hope the light has filtered through and that you are feeling better.

I agree with you wholeheartedly, it is so very sad, and yet no lessons are ever learn't it will happen again, maybe next week, who knows or who cares. It is known as passing the buck.

 

[Alf]

Isn't it time for a proper revue of Social Services?

 

[Phil]

Kandor,

I cannot agree more with what you say, I am a father, grandfather and great grandfather (may I add a very young one) to a total of nine children. I know every detail of my grandchildrens lives.

My wife and myself see them at the very least once a week, and some of them every day. My wife certainly telephones our children every day to see that they and our grandchildren are OK. We have our youngest great grandson a 11 month old boy staying with us at the moment.

If more than a week went by without us seeing our grandchildren we would be round knocking on the front door until we saw them. We wouldn't wait until something went wrong and then blame to council and social services

May the sun break through the clouds for you soon.

Phil

 

[sylviasayers]

Kandor, I agree with you 100% about the lack of family involvement, but I am concerned that there was no follow up by the Education Department after their initial visit as to why 6 children were absent from school for 10 weeks. If they couldn't gain access to the house, is there no mechanism whereby they can involve the police to force entry?

 

[postie]

Its so easy to point the finger without knowing all the facts.
In my own case my 1st wife left me and took our youngest son, aged 4, with her, leaving me to bring up the eldest, aged 10, on my own.
It wasn't a pleaseant split and she refused to let me see my youngest at all. Eventually she managed to take out a court injuction, forbidding me to come within 2 miles of them. I was arrested 3 times and taken away in handcuffs for breaking the injuction. It was so easy for her to get the order by lying through her back teeth.
Luckily no harm befell my youngest, but I was completely powerless to intervene if there had been.
Both my sons have turned out to be really nice, caring men and I am proud to call them mine .
If you are able to be with your children/ grandchildren, please please do so at every opportunity. Life can change so quickly and it can all be gone in a flash.
Hating is such a waste of precious time.

 

[Shera]

i used to work in childrens homes. children as young as 12 or 13 yrs would come in because their parents couldnt cope with them. they would be on drugs and drink, commiting crimes galore and generally out of control. we would do our best for them but had no powers to lock them in their rooms. one young man aged 13 went and stole his umpteenth car one night and on this occasion died in a crash.

of course it was us to blame. all the papers saying this young lad of 13 in care of soc services died in stolen car. the parents emerged from the woodwork and got thousands in compensation.

so i know exactly how you feel!

chris

 

[smithy]

Hya Kandor I hope you are feeling better.

I too am having some awful dark deep black places that I am sinking into these last two years. Yes, postie it is so true life can change and be gone in a flash. I know from experience.
8 weeks in my case.
I totally agree, my grandaughter lives in Scotland and usually stops with me during the school holidays. For many years she has flown down and gone home on her own throughout her childhood. I have not been able to do this for two years, but non-the less her mom and dad (my son) have come down with her as often as possible.

I know some parents find it difficult to maintain a relationship together but non-the less I feel there must be some way of communication that is a possiblity with children. I always thought it was the children who are of paramount importance.

The trouble is when agencies do get it wrong they will not admit it.
Unfortunatly it will happen again even with all of the modern technology etc that this modern world has to offer.