J
Jerry
Guest
Disclaimer:
If anybody has suffered from or is suffering from any of the illnesses mentioned in this load of tripe please don’t take umbrage, it doesn’t cure anything
I joined the “Disease Of The Month Club”, I guess I was angling for sympathy
I thought if I was constantly ill, my family might at last feel some empathy
It’s a very good club with a selection of illnesses, something to suit every taste
You can order your fancy from a huge catalogue and try it at home without haste
Well to start with I didn’t know which one to choose, such a long list, which one shall I take?
After thinking a while I ordered Ebola, ‘cos I’d been watching that film, Outbreak!
With an illness like this I’ll get my reward, I’ll have relatives packed in the aisles
But they locked me away in a solitary ward while my body erupted in boils
Well I sent that one back, it was doing no good, my relatives wouldn’t come near me
I needed an illness that would bring them all flocking, not one that would make them all fear me
Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy, that’ll do me. I thought “Wow, what a fantastic name”
But they wouldn’t believe me, said it’s a womanly thing, so it had to go back, such a shame
The next thing they sent was “Dengue Fever” no less, don’t try it, it really is naff
But the hospital said that there wasn’t a bed for a week due to shortage of staff
Well I sat at home choking, in sweat I was soaking, I really was feeling quite rough,
But nobody called ‘cos they thought I was joking, after three days I’d just had enough
Next I tried Hydrophobia, that’s Rabies to you, and it worked, a phone call from my daughter!
“I heard you was sick, I’ll be round in a tick, I’ve bought you some mineral water”
Yes I joined the Disease Of The Month Club, now I’ve tried them all out, none were missed
The Black Death and Typhoid and Rabies, Cholera, Malaria, Scabies, I’ve tried every one on the list
Still nobody visits and nobody calls, I’m stuck here alone inside these four walls
No visits from grandkids or nephews or nieces, from my sons or their wives there’s no calls
But I’m still of good cheer because Christmas draws near so you see folks that all is not lost
They’ll be round for their presents and I’ll see them all then so Merry Christmas and bugger the cost
If anybody has suffered from or is suffering from any of the illnesses mentioned in this load of tripe please don’t take umbrage, it doesn’t cure anything
I joined the “Disease Of The Month Club”, I guess I was angling for sympathy
I thought if I was constantly ill, my family might at last feel some empathy
It’s a very good club with a selection of illnesses, something to suit every taste
You can order your fancy from a huge catalogue and try it at home without haste
Well to start with I didn’t know which one to choose, such a long list, which one shall I take?
After thinking a while I ordered Ebola, ‘cos I’d been watching that film, Outbreak!
With an illness like this I’ll get my reward, I’ll have relatives packed in the aisles
But they locked me away in a solitary ward while my body erupted in boils
Well I sent that one back, it was doing no good, my relatives wouldn’t come near me
I needed an illness that would bring them all flocking, not one that would make them all fear me
Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy, that’ll do me. I thought “Wow, what a fantastic name”
But they wouldn’t believe me, said it’s a womanly thing, so it had to go back, such a shame
The next thing they sent was “Dengue Fever” no less, don’t try it, it really is naff
But the hospital said that there wasn’t a bed for a week due to shortage of staff
Well I sat at home choking, in sweat I was soaking, I really was feeling quite rough,
But nobody called ‘cos they thought I was joking, after three days I’d just had enough
Next I tried Hydrophobia, that’s Rabies to you, and it worked, a phone call from my daughter!
“I heard you was sick, I’ll be round in a tick, I’ve bought you some mineral water”
Yes I joined the Disease Of The Month Club, now I’ve tried them all out, none were missed
The Black Death and Typhoid and Rabies, Cholera, Malaria, Scabies, I’ve tried every one on the list
Still nobody visits and nobody calls, I’m stuck here alone inside these four walls
No visits from grandkids or nephews or nieces, from my sons or their wives there’s no calls
But I’m still of good cheer because Christmas draws near so you see folks that all is not lost
They’ll be round for their presents and I’ll see them all then so Merry Christmas and bugger the cost
