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Lost Families
- Thread starter Trebor
- Start date
sistersue61
master brummie
Thanks Trebor, have set reminder and recorder in case x-box is ruling the t.v lol!
Sue
Sue
sistersue61
master brummie
Me too Lyn!
Sue
Sue
I find it fascinating but a bit uncomfortable as if we are intruding.
I can understand that the people concerned have asked for help and part of the deal would be that they see it through to the end but
I think if it were me I would like the moment of meeting to be private.
Finding birth mothers is often not a problem but I am amazed that they found a birth son as the protection of the identity
of adopted children is very very rigid.
The stories touch such a nerve especially as I am a mother and grandmother and to care for a little girl for 18 months and have to let her go, heartbreaking.
How do mothers find the strength to carry on.
I can understand that the people concerned have asked for help and part of the deal would be that they see it through to the end but
I think if it were me I would like the moment of meeting to be private.
Finding birth mothers is often not a problem but I am amazed that they found a birth son as the protection of the identity
of adopted children is very very rigid.
The stories touch such a nerve especially as I am a mother and grandmother and to care for a little girl for 18 months and have to let her go, heartbreaking.
How do mothers find the strength to carry on.
sue reeves
knowlegable brummie
I am an adopted person from the 1940's and have found that everyone errs on the side of the birth mothers feelings - I have no details of my birth father on my birth certificate and must say I cannot come to terms with this - I think to have a child and not name its both parents is a very selfish act - perhaps if these women were to think to the future that this baby will grow up it deserves to know its both parents.
sistersue61
master brummie
My friends mom was adopted also in the 40's and as you said Sue, the birth mother was well supported, but the father was not mentioned.
She traced her birth mother and subsequently visited the street where she was born and met some neighbours who remembered her mom and knew about her adoption.
One of the neighbours invited her in and in the conversation that followed, asked if she knew her dad. Turned out that this neighbour was the sister of her father, her aunt, and she did get to meet her dad. Her mom met her once, but then did not want to stay in touch, but she has a good relationship with herdad, who didn't want her adopted, but wasn't given any say in the matter. Such a shame, he was a lovely man, who never married or had children.
Sue
She traced her birth mother and subsequently visited the street where she was born and met some neighbours who remembered her mom and knew about her adoption.
One of the neighbours invited her in and in the conversation that followed, asked if she knew her dad. Turned out that this neighbour was the sister of her father, her aunt, and she did get to meet her dad. Her mom met her once, but then did not want to stay in touch, but she has a good relationship with herdad, who didn't want her adopted, but wasn't given any say in the matter. Such a shame, he was a lovely man, who never married or had children.
Sue
i spent the best part of 2 years helping a rellie who was adopted at 2 weeks old and he had the most wonderful upbringing but when his adoptive parents died he wanted to know where he came from...we knew his moms name as she registered him before adoption after which he had a complete name change so in effect he has 2 birth certificates but he wanted to know everything..warts and all as he said to me...after gaining access to his adoption papers which gave his moms name and social services records a lot more was found out about the life his mom led including more siblings that he had no idea about..after many more months of research the full picture unfolded which i cant go into but all of it was most upsetting...i guess what i am trying to say is if anyone is thinking of tracing their birth parents please think hard about it as proved in my rellies case finding out the truth can prove far more devastating than knowing nothing at all and i have to say that i was also affected by it
lyn
lyn
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Lyn , I know what you are saying but this must be the risk and reality for anyone who searches for the truth.
If it were me I would be thinking what were the circumstances of my birth and adoption and among those thoughts must be
was I adopted because I was taken away because of abuse,or was my birth the result of rape or incest.
I am sure that these cases are in the minority of adoptions and therefore should not stop people seeking the truth.
A member of my husbands extended family was adopted after being left on the step of City(Dudley road) hospital over 60 years ago and has no 'real' birth certificate or even correct date of birth, now that is heartbreaking and no hope of ever knowing the truth.
If it were me I would be thinking what were the circumstances of my birth and adoption and among those thoughts must be
was I adopted because I was taken away because of abuse,or was my birth the result of rape or incest.
I am sure that these cases are in the minority of adoptions and therefore should not stop people seeking the truth.
A member of my husbands extended family was adopted after being left on the step of City(Dudley road) hospital over 60 years ago and has no 'real' birth certificate or even correct date of birth, now that is heartbreaking and no hope of ever knowing the truth.
morning alberta and i totally agree with you...it is a risk and it is wonderful when everything works out fine..its hard to know what can be worse...finding out or to live ignorance as you say some folk never have the chance to find out...im so glad i know who my parents are as i would hate not to...
lyn
lyn
cookie273uk
master brummie
My sister who could not have children of her own adopted a baby boy one year and 2 years later a baby girl the 'boy' is now 42 and the 'girl' is 40 both happily married. My sister said neither have shown any real interest in tracing their true parents and told my sister as far as they are concerned she is their only Mom. Eric
W
Wendy
Guest
How lovely Eric.
I suppose for some it's just wanting to know. I have tried helping a friend of ours trace his birth mother. I did in fact find her but sadly also found she passed away in 2005. He said he never wanted to do it while his adoptive parents were alive as it seemed like a betrayal. He loved his Mum and Dad to bits. He told me he always wondered if he had any siblings. The reasearch I did revealed a young girl pregnant from an overseas soldier. She probably had him adopted because of family pressure. She married four years after his birth and lived in Kensington which is also where she died. Sadly I never found any children. So no siblings although he has a sister from his adopted parents. They are quite close which is nice.
I suppose for some it's just wanting to know. I have tried helping a friend of ours trace his birth mother. I did in fact find her but sadly also found she passed away in 2005. He said he never wanted to do it while his adoptive parents were alive as it seemed like a betrayal. He loved his Mum and Dad to bits. He told me he always wondered if he had any siblings. The reasearch I did revealed a young girl pregnant from an overseas soldier. She probably had him adopted because of family pressure. She married four years after his birth and lived in Kensington which is also where she died. Sadly I never found any children. So no siblings although he has a sister from his adopted parents. They are quite close which is nice.