K
Kate
Guest
Based on my experience as mother of a teenage girl.
Growing Pains
There was a young girl from Bright
Who looked in the mirror with fright.
Her nose was a hue
Of red, white and blue
And she had a hot date that night
I looked into the mirror and was stunned by what I saw. Here I was, getting ready for my first ever real date with a real guy – not just a friend of Mum’s son or nephew or whatever – a real live gorgeous six foot two blonde, blue-eyed hunk! And there it was – the biggest zit I’ve ever had in my entire miserable life.
I rummaged around in the bathroom cupboard desperately searching for a miracle cure. Thars ointment! That will do the trick, but hey, wait; the label says use for piles! Aren’t those the things that grandma gets on her bum? I’m not putting that stuff on my face, no way! I raced to the phone and rang my best friend, Natalie. “Nat”, I cried, “help! I’ve got the most horrendous pre-menstrual zit right on the tip of my nose! And I’m going out with You Know Who tomorrow night!”
“Bummer”, Natalie sympathised. “Mum always tells me to run lots of hot water in the basin, dip your face washer in and dab at the bloody thing. I did it once and, boy, did it work. The zit exploded! But I ended with a nose that looked like a slice of Swiss cheese.”
“Well, I suppose I can put a bandaid on it and pretend I’ve been bitten by a wasp”, I groaned. “Thanks for the advice, Nat. See ya”.
I went back to the bathroom and peered at the offending nose. Better go for the Thars and try not to think about where it had been used before. The hot water trick sounds too messy and painful. I piled the gooey stuff all over the zit, covered it with a bandaid and hopped into bed. All I could think of was Bradley the beautiful. I’d been flirting madly with him all term. I couldn’t wait till tomorrow night. If all went well I might just get my first kiss. Really, I must be the only virgin in the whole of Year 10 at Bright Secondary College. All my friends had done IT ages ago! What was it like, I wonder. With thoughts of passionate steamy nights filling my head, I finally fell into a sound sleep. In my dreams I was a beautiful, sexy woman surrounded by lots of handsome, tall admirers with not a blemish in sight.
I woke early next morning and stretched, feeling a strange excitement in the pit of my stomach, like I used to get Christmas morning when I was a kid. Today is the day that could change my whole life. Tonight I could become a real woman! I jumped out of bed and headed for the bathroom. I stared at the nose. Hope that stuff’s worked, I prayed as I ripped of the bandaid. “S**t”, I yelled, “that hurt”, tears stinging my eyes. I inspected my nose and to my horror saw that instead of the monster zit, there was now a great gaping hole. Panic stations. I leapt into the shower, scrubbing at my nose, hoping to make the hole disappear.
I dried myself quickly and it was obvious that my nose was still the same disgusting mess. “Mum”, I screamed, “help!” Mum came galloping up the hallway from the kitchen, eyes bulging with fright. She wasn’t impressed when I explained my awful problem. “For heaven’s sake, Kellie, pull yourself together. Bradley has seen a pimple before!” “Not like this, Mum, it’s disgusting”, I bawled. Mum gave me a withering glare and strode back to the kitchen.
Hunger forced me out of the bathroom and the aroma of fresh coffee and toast wafted up my horribly deformed nose. I grabbed a cup of fresh brewed coffee and scoffed down some toast. “I’ll try the chemist on the way to school, Mum”, I called as I raced out the door.
The chemist was very sympathetic but could only suggest that I cover it. She came up with the idea of one of those printed bandaids kids like, you know, with Winnie the Pooh and Barbie on them. I suppose I could pretend it’s a new fashion. So I bought a pack of with Pooh on them, because I’d always been fond of him. I was in a dream all day and kept getting into strife with the teachers for not listening. My friends thought the bandaid was cute and tried to cheer me up. I didn’t see Bradley around – someone said he was on some excursion.
I trudged home feeling all hot and sticky. All I could think of was what I would wear that night. After several changes I finally decided on my new jeans with the rips in the knees and my green t-shirt with the rainforest frogs on it. Bradley was into the environment so that should go down well. I fiddled with my hair until it looked a complete mess and ended up pulling it into my usual ponytail. I doused myself with My Sin perfume. I was too excited to eat. Dad couldn’t believe it when I refused dessert, “Must be sick”, he said, “love sick. What’s that awful smell?”
I nearly jumped out of my skin when the doorbell rang. “Mum, do I look okay?” Reassured that I looked gorgeous and quite forgetting about my nose I raced to the front door, took a deep breath and opened the door. Bradley’s laugh startled me and I craned my neck to look into his startling blue eyes smiling down at me. Then I caught on. On his nose was a bright blue bandaid, but his was Thomas the Tank Engine. I grinned back at him. “Wasps are bad this year”, he said. I felt I was one step further to becoming a real woman as I walked down the driveway with his arm around my waist.
*****
Growing Pains
There was a young girl from Bright
Who looked in the mirror with fright.
Her nose was a hue
Of red, white and blue
And she had a hot date that night
I looked into the mirror and was stunned by what I saw. Here I was, getting ready for my first ever real date with a real guy – not just a friend of Mum’s son or nephew or whatever – a real live gorgeous six foot two blonde, blue-eyed hunk! And there it was – the biggest zit I’ve ever had in my entire miserable life.
I rummaged around in the bathroom cupboard desperately searching for a miracle cure. Thars ointment! That will do the trick, but hey, wait; the label says use for piles! Aren’t those the things that grandma gets on her bum? I’m not putting that stuff on my face, no way! I raced to the phone and rang my best friend, Natalie. “Nat”, I cried, “help! I’ve got the most horrendous pre-menstrual zit right on the tip of my nose! And I’m going out with You Know Who tomorrow night!”
“Bummer”, Natalie sympathised. “Mum always tells me to run lots of hot water in the basin, dip your face washer in and dab at the bloody thing. I did it once and, boy, did it work. The zit exploded! But I ended with a nose that looked like a slice of Swiss cheese.”
“Well, I suppose I can put a bandaid on it and pretend I’ve been bitten by a wasp”, I groaned. “Thanks for the advice, Nat. See ya”.
I went back to the bathroom and peered at the offending nose. Better go for the Thars and try not to think about where it had been used before. The hot water trick sounds too messy and painful. I piled the gooey stuff all over the zit, covered it with a bandaid and hopped into bed. All I could think of was Bradley the beautiful. I’d been flirting madly with him all term. I couldn’t wait till tomorrow night. If all went well I might just get my first kiss. Really, I must be the only virgin in the whole of Year 10 at Bright Secondary College. All my friends had done IT ages ago! What was it like, I wonder. With thoughts of passionate steamy nights filling my head, I finally fell into a sound sleep. In my dreams I was a beautiful, sexy woman surrounded by lots of handsome, tall admirers with not a blemish in sight.
I woke early next morning and stretched, feeling a strange excitement in the pit of my stomach, like I used to get Christmas morning when I was a kid. Today is the day that could change my whole life. Tonight I could become a real woman! I jumped out of bed and headed for the bathroom. I stared at the nose. Hope that stuff’s worked, I prayed as I ripped of the bandaid. “S**t”, I yelled, “that hurt”, tears stinging my eyes. I inspected my nose and to my horror saw that instead of the monster zit, there was now a great gaping hole. Panic stations. I leapt into the shower, scrubbing at my nose, hoping to make the hole disappear.
I dried myself quickly and it was obvious that my nose was still the same disgusting mess. “Mum”, I screamed, “help!” Mum came galloping up the hallway from the kitchen, eyes bulging with fright. She wasn’t impressed when I explained my awful problem. “For heaven’s sake, Kellie, pull yourself together. Bradley has seen a pimple before!” “Not like this, Mum, it’s disgusting”, I bawled. Mum gave me a withering glare and strode back to the kitchen.
Hunger forced me out of the bathroom and the aroma of fresh coffee and toast wafted up my horribly deformed nose. I grabbed a cup of fresh brewed coffee and scoffed down some toast. “I’ll try the chemist on the way to school, Mum”, I called as I raced out the door.
The chemist was very sympathetic but could only suggest that I cover it. She came up with the idea of one of those printed bandaids kids like, you know, with Winnie the Pooh and Barbie on them. I suppose I could pretend it’s a new fashion. So I bought a pack of with Pooh on them, because I’d always been fond of him. I was in a dream all day and kept getting into strife with the teachers for not listening. My friends thought the bandaid was cute and tried to cheer me up. I didn’t see Bradley around – someone said he was on some excursion.
I trudged home feeling all hot and sticky. All I could think of was what I would wear that night. After several changes I finally decided on my new jeans with the rips in the knees and my green t-shirt with the rainforest frogs on it. Bradley was into the environment so that should go down well. I fiddled with my hair until it looked a complete mess and ended up pulling it into my usual ponytail. I doused myself with My Sin perfume. I was too excited to eat. Dad couldn’t believe it when I refused dessert, “Must be sick”, he said, “love sick. What’s that awful smell?”
I nearly jumped out of my skin when the doorbell rang. “Mum, do I look okay?” Reassured that I looked gorgeous and quite forgetting about my nose I raced to the front door, took a deep breath and opened the door. Bradley’s laugh startled me and I craned my neck to look into his startling blue eyes smiling down at me. Then I caught on. On his nose was a bright blue bandaid, but his was Thomas the Tank Engine. I grinned back at him. “Wasps are bad this year”, he said. I felt I was one step further to becoming a real woman as I walked down the driveway with his arm around my waist.
*****
