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Bloke in Maternity

John Young

John Young

master brummie
:) It was a nice evening had just had lamb chops & trimmings at Sisters house Oh & a pint with her Hubby & then popped in to Good Hope Hospital to see how the Mrs was doing :)
No need go home first because Sister No 2 was,doing the"Tidying etc",,Sorted Eh :wink:

Well had just stepped into the Ward when this Nurse grabbed me saying "She,s gone down" I thought flippin heck I have married a Jailbird :P Oh well In I went,,,

Nice room I thought, bright , clean & lots of gadgets Oh & there She is,, looking Ok but maybe a bit flustered,warmish even, Oh its that tent thingy over her legs :roll:
Best go over & give her a peck, she will like that,,Oh she wants to whisper to me :!:

As I leaned over she held my tie,it was a bit creased, not ironed you see, Then she gripped it (Trying to straighten it) &whispered, well almost a growl actually " IiifFFFH YyooOOOUUUHH EeeEEVVERRRHH CcooOOMMEEE
nnNNEEEEAAARRRRR Mmeeeehhhhh aaaaaAAAGGHHHAAAIIINNNNH Iiii
wwhh wwWWILLLL CccutTTTT YooouuurrrrRR NnnuuuoooOGGHHHTS OFF

Then WE joined in breathing exercises :) Exact timing too, as She gripped my tie then relaxed we both held breath (I hadn,t got much choice actually :oops: ) Ooooh THE Pain started then,,,
Never felt nothing like it before,,, I was holding her hand (It says in the BOOK :roll: ) Where did that Eagle come from :?: Landed on my hand with Five Talons locked IN,, Oooh the pain, I gritted my teeth & hung on ,didn,t have much choice really, I was screaming by then while She was laughing under a gas mask thingy,,the Nurse took that of so I tried a whiff :shock: Wow,,Man,,better than a waccy baccy woodbine :wink:
All over, there the little guy was,, another Nurse came in & said "Would you like a cup of tea?" I said Oh yes please & can my Wife have one as well :?: then the Midwife Slapped ME :D
 
OMG JY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well that one has made me laff the most so far..................I WAS THERE!

It's fun innit?
 
We so often listen to tales of our wives giving birth, good to see this male perspective on things :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
John how many stitches did you have, and did you have a rubber ring???

Oh i do hope not :twisted: :evil: :wink:
 
Stitches?

Dorothy :) thanks Sweetie,,, Heh I,ve had loads of stitches(Rugby) that flippin Midwife hurt "er" hand slappin me :) Hey wots this "Rubber Ring thingy :?: " I,ve had Water-wings, & a dinghy but never one of them rings :!: O M G :shock: Its not "Girly" stuff is it,, Ooooh I,me gunna be sick :oops: Oooh Dorothy
 
I think shes possibly on about your p............. argggggggggggghhhh
 
Oh yes definitely a girly thing

:roll: :roll: :roll:
 
Its a Book

:shock: Hi Dorothy :) I asked my Mrs & she said something about "The Grapes of Wrath" :?:

I have read Piles of books but never that one :!:

Oh well back to me dingy, Mayday, Mayday Hello Sailor :oops:
 
Learnt all about 'em in physics at school, they're called asteroids :lol:
 
Maternity not Observatory

:shock: JerryD your Barmy Mate :roll:

Surely you can get Steroids in Maternity :) Not Assteroids :(

Get them in an Observatory sitting on cold metal telescopics :oops:
 
I've gorra get this one out of the way - a rubber ring was what they gave you to sit on after confinement stitdches in my day. But nowadays nobody seems to stay in hospital long enough to sit down after a birth.

but yo blokes are propa screams :D :lol: :lol: :P :roll:
 
can Ring pull?

Yo Dorothy,,,aahem :oops: We Blokes Knew :) Butt it was :roll:

Guess can take a Ring Pull Can you :lol:

Thought it was Quoit funny meself :wink:
 
Thank goodness you have explained, Dorothy. :D

I shall be able to sleep tonight, now. :wink:
 
:D Now tell the truth Young John, you thought the girls were talking about those small rubber rings they use on young sheep (Lambs) :oops: :? . That's why you were getting all hot under the collar incase you were about to get collared :lol: :lol: :lol: .
 
Vah? secata to me?

Ho ho Chrissie Pom, Dorothy et al "Wimmin" 8)

All these Lilly,s not Gelded :roll:

Actually I was done Properly :lol: Marilyn got Two housebricks &
WHOOSH- Slam-Dunk,,,, Bruised her thumbs, Bust the BRICK :wink:
But it worked & squashed the lively Tadpoles :oops:

ps I still like Merino Non-slips though :twisted: Ahah John
 
Different in my day. Us gals went in, men went home, came back and paced the corridor and then a newly washed little one was placed in their arms. Job done.
 
So true! and also nobody else but your husband was allowed to visit. I truly believe that is the problem these days and the reason for MRSA - too many visitors.

No doubt somebody will shout me down, but to be honest i wouldn't have given 2p to have had my husband there at the birth, he would most likely have fainted anyway.

Dotxx :lol:
 
fainted

8) Hoi Ladies,,s,cusem mois, silvu plate, I NEARLY Fainted,, does that count :)

The PAIN I was in,, oooh my Drinking hand wobbled for 3 days after
good job I am Ambiglasstexturous,, :roll:

Heh while Mrs was shelling peas I was suffering, but I survived & was there for
Encore 3 years later,, Applause please :oops:
 
Grace said:
Different in my day. Us gals went in, men went home, came back and paced the corridor and then a newly washed little one was placed in their arms. Job done.
Click to expand...

That's the way it should be done. As much as I was enjoying my share of that gas & air when Gail went into labour, I was glad to get out and leave her raving about Chinese restaurants and other such nonsense.

Btw, (on a different tack) how come in my day, the difficulty was preventing wimmin from getting pregnant and now, it seems to me, everybody's having IVF and other such nasty things to get that way? Is sex education not all that it's cracked up to be these days? :roll:
 
Us BRA wimmin will clap you round the earholes Johnny Boy. Poor Marilyn repeated the exercise 3 years later ? The woman is a SAINT.

Seriously Paul. I think couples years ago just accepted it when they didn't have children. We all know people who would have made great parents, but it just didn't happen. When you have kids I don't think we can realise the heartache some people go through and these days there are many treatments available to make their wish come true.
 
Earholes & heroes

:D Yo Grace,, "Wimminly Wise to us Guys" mmmh Wiseguys :?:

Strange World ain,t it,,Some Folks Really should be Parents,,, But
Some Folks who are Really,,,Grrrrh,,Really Shouldn,t be :(

Oh Well :? My Mrs only had to look at Me :roll: Ooh wallop Mrs Cox
All this Testesterone,s Or was it Toblerones :wink:

Cured me with the Housebricks , Later :shock: After the "Gal" arrived
Good job ,,,cuz me & the Lad got No chance now Eh
Wheres "the battered Dads & Lads sanctuary" :?:
 
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