• Welcome to this forum . We are a worldwide group with a common interest in Birmingham and its history. While here, please follow a few simple rules. We ask that you respect other members, thank those who have helped you and please keep your contributions on-topic with the thread.

    We do hope you enjoy your visit. BHF Admin Team
  • HI folks the server that hosts the site completely died including the Hdd's and backups.
    Luckily i create an offsite backup once a week! this has now been restored so we have lost a few days posts.
    im still fixing things at the moment so bear with me and im still working on all images 90% are fine the others im working on now
    we are now using a backup solution

The Hidden Secret

SuBee

SuBee

master brummie
Have you seen her cry, have you viewed her pain?
Make up carefully applied, but she is not vain.

It hides the signs of cruelty and hurt
When she rushes past you, dont think that shes curt

Her head bowed low, no eye to eye glance
Her mind is elsewhere, walking round in a trance.

So, why does she suffer and live with this life?
The answers quite simple...........she became his wife.
 
poem

Sue,

Your poem was quite moving and very well written. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Cearle :D
 
Hi Sue
I love the poem
Very moving and true
There are so many wives like her suffering in silence for the sake of the kids or because they've got nowhere else to go or nobody else to turn to or simply because they don't want other people to know
Having witnessed such things from an early age - but never in my own family -I have nothing but contempt for so called men who physically and mentally abuse their wives
Hope I haven't gone too far off topic, I'll shut up now :?
 
Echoes past

:( Can only endorse the sentiments expressed by Cearle, Kandor & Jerryd, to your sad but so true poem SUE ,well done,,

My wife & I knew a Friend of hers who suffered years of such torment as you so graphically described, We didn,t know until she left HIM & sought refuge with us, The bruising (Not on "Face" :twisted: ) I haven,t seen worse after a battle type Rugby match, I wanted to give Him a lesson or two but they stopped me because He would have got back at her,,
Eventually the Lady & children went back to her parents & are safe now.

ps, I eventually "happened" to bump into Him one day :roll:
Mmmh I think my Police caution & bound over,has expired now,
Dontcha just love "Bullies" :oops: John
 
What a world we live in

I wrote this poem over two years ago - almost forgotten I'd written it. It is based on someone I know, who was totally 'misread' by others in her attempt to hide the situation she was in. Your description of your friend John, emulates mine - very sad indeed, these women are very skilled at hiding 'their secret'. I suppose almost as skilled as the people who sometimes feel the need to turn the other way for fear of getting involved, or like you - making things worse for the woman.

Since writing the poem though, I have had the unfortuneate experience of finding out that three men I know, are being abused by their spouses. Couples I have known and I had no idea anything was wrong. This is extremely sad, because its almost more difficult for them to handle - ask for help - or even confide in someone. We all make jokes about 'who wears the trousers'..........'wait til you get home' etc....., but the reality is a feeling of hopelesness for them. In some peoples eyes, its nearly acceptable that a man may hit a woman, albeit wrong, but turn the tables and it becomes a joke. I fear many men carry this hidden secret with them in their lives too.

On a more lighter note though - I think the BARmen are FAB, and the BRAwimmin even FABBER! :wink:
 
Sue
If you think us BARmen are fab I can only agree
You obviously haven't discovered the tunnel yet
All will be revealed in my next poem :twisted:
 
A sad and meaningful poem Sue.

My father was handy with his fists, and mom was very good at hiding it. I had to live with it, and the scars are still raw. My mother lost her scars as they grew old together, and I'm happy that she did.
 
:D
...these women are very skilled at hiding 'their secret'...
Click to expand...
Sue I remember reading your poem way back in 2003 and was able to equate it to my Daughter's first marriage of 5 years. (Judge in court said ” These things happen when very young people marry" ...Yah right and I prevented Colin from whipping his a...)
Then at the end of last year we found out it had been happening again with partner number 2 for 8 years. (To scared to say anything to us for fear of him taking it out on her children from first marriage, as this is what he also did if she upset him).
This time Colin did have a go and was bound over to keep the peace, but no charges and no conviction.

As for abused men, that was my Dad...

I must say I don't fully agree with the idea if you see your Mom/Dad abused then you will also likely be in an abusive relationship, as I would never put up with it and our Daughter never grew up in such a household.

Chris :)
 
It was expected..........

Some things were not unacceptable in the past - and I think hitting your wife, fell into that category. In some cultures its still promoted and encouraged.

I must say I don't fully agree with the idea if you see your Mom/Dad abused then you will also likely be in an abusive relationship, as I would never put up with it and our Daughter never grew up in such a household
Click to expand...

Generally speaking, I think people who have experienced or witnessed abuse can go one of two ways. They either adopt the 'zero tolerance' approach or they 'tranfer' their own pain by becoming abusive themselves. Its a difficult concept to understand, that an abused person would abuse another to release their own pain and hurt - but it does work for a lot of them. An awful lot of children (and adults) become bullies because of whats been done to them or what they have seen - its not thats they are copying - they are trying to block out the experience by transferance.

Love becomes very mixed up in people who abuse, and the abused persons mind - because love is also associated with fear and pain, which is not a natural association for most of us. Your daughter Pom, found the strength to 'risk' love a second time - and that trust was abused 'again'. I hope she finds someone to share her life with at some point, that doesnt view a woman as a punching bag :(
 
Wonderful poem. That was me many years ago in my first marriage which I endured for 5 years. I tell my daughter from my present marriage about it - don't ever put up with it! But then I didn't think I would either. I also hid it from my friends but confided in strangers. :(
 
In truth

There is someone very close to me who I hope one day will become a member of my family.
He was battered and knocked around as a kid by a variety of different 'Dads'
Zero tolerence isn't the word..he will not in any circumstances tolerate or condone the lifting of a hand to another person..
I love him for it.
 
SuBee said:
Generally speaking, I think people who have experienced or witnessed abuse can go one of two ways. They either adopt the 'zero tolerance' approach or they 'tranfer' their own pain by becoming abusive themselves. Its a difficult concept to understand, that an abused person would abuse another to release their own pain and hurt - but it does work for a lot of them. An awful lot of children (and adults) become bullies because of whats been done to them or what they have seen - its not thats they are copying - they are trying to block out the experience by transferance.

Love becomes very mixed up in people who abuse, and the abused persons mind - because love is also associated with fear and pain, which is not a natural association for most of us
Click to expand...
that is all really true.
I was knocked about in a relationship when I was only 17, and he had been physically abused by his dad, I think, as had his mom, I think... (his dad had left the family home), and my boyfriend thought he was 'the man of the house.' :(
His mom stopped him from trying to strangle me once...and yet he really loved me...so it was all mixed up in his head...maybe because somebody he loved and missed had abused him..

Sue...I saw, somewhere, that you are a nurse...are you a psychiatric nurse? As I trained for that...at All Saints, (although I did not finish my 3 year course, but went to work for MIND, the mental health charity, in a rehab hostel, for a while).
 
No Mazbeth, I have only done a secondment at All saints as part of my General Nurse training - but I loved every bit of it.

We all walk the fine line of sanity and insanity (I apologise for the political incorrectness of that statement)

I know and have known many people who live with a mental illness. Their struggle with day to day life can be immense. I look at some of the prejudices they have to overcome....and I think.................there but for the Grace of God.............

I cant really read whether your reflection on your own experience of violence is following many years of thought and perspection, or if you understood the situation as it was happening?

From my own experience, I knew the man that abused the woman in the poem I wrote about, and I knew he had experienced abuse himself. Over many years, I tried to help.............but all my efforts were in vain. I recall likening  myself to a peice of elastic at the time...........witnessing his violence stretched me to my limits, and the frustration of not being able to do anything that was going to change things. Then one day, the elastic snapped. I physically removed the woman from the home against her will, she was unable to decline as she had muliple fractured ribs - she was 60. :(

She never returned, and she was never hit again. :)
 
SuBee said:
I cant really read whether your reflection on your own experience of violence is following many years of thought and perspection, or if you understood the situation as it was happening?
Click to expand...
yes, it was only many years later that I began to see what was behind it all...when I was going through it at 17 and 18 it was just a case of getting through it...
I finally told my dad and mom, but even then the chap wouldn't let me go...it can be really hard to physically get away from someone, when they keep coming after you...but he gave up eventually.
It takes years to get back confidence and a kind of 'innocence' and trust which gets stolen through things like that.
But I think I have...I've got a good'un now, and it's been very healing. :)
 
This poem is a brilliant piece of work. I'm not into poetry at all, but those words tell a heart-rending story. The sad thing is that we all know people who have suffered from making the wrong choice.
Very moving, I thought.
Peter
 
One day at a time
Do not look back
and feel sorry
about the past
for it is gone.
Do not worry
about the future
for it has not yet come.
Live in the present
and make it beautiful​
​

From someone who knows of the heartache
Cromwell
 
Me too Ger22van - and unfortuneately see and hear of it too often.........sadlly its all around :(
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top