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Mothers' Misunderstandings

C

christopher short

Birmingham Post
I was minded to start this thread by a mother story by Brumophile under Primary School Cricket, which is a typical Mother's misunderstanding.
Here's one of mine:-
I took the ferry from Penzance to the Scilly Islands and for the first and only time in my life I was horribly seasick.
When I felt better after landing I telephoned my Mother to tell her where I was and that I had been very ill on the crossing. She said "Never mind love you can always go back on the bus !"
 
Christopher,
You have probably heard the story of a young bloke who met an elderly gentleman at their local bus stop one Monday morning; the gentleman had a stick of celery stuck behind his right ear. On the Tuesday, again the chappie found the very same old man waiting for his bus. Wednesday came along and low and behold there was the gentleman with his stick of celery wedged behind his right ear for the third consecutive morning.
The following day: exactly the same scenario. On the Friday, the young man was amazed to find the elderly gentleman with a carrot above his right ear. The bloke's curiosity was beyond him and he could no longer control his inquisitiveness.
"Excuse me," he asked, "but why have you got a carrot stuck behind your right ear?"
"Oh," said the gentleman, “that; because the greengrocer didn't have any celery."

When I was about nine, I told this corny joke to my Mum.

She looked at me: "Have you seen the price of celery?" was her only comment ..........
David
 
Well according to my poor Mother just before the Alzheimer's really set in she was under the impression that I had had 11 children... each year when sending her Birthday and Christmas cards I would add the names of my 2 children and their: Husband/Partners and Children rather than just put
From Christine, Colin and Family in NZ.
My Daughter got married and had two sons and later divorced and she and her next Partner had a son and daughter that made 7. My son and his Partner had a daughter and a son that made 4, which made 11 in all.
Now even though through the years, I had written and told her all the family news and events as they had occurred, the last letter I received from her said
“.....I see you have almost caught my sister Queen, your Auntie up with the number of children you have, she had 13 in all and you now have 11. I'm not sure how you can afford so many, but it may be easier in New Zealand. How do you remember all their names? ...."
 
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I have only just heard this today!

A friend, whose medical-student daughter has just returned from doing volunteer medical work in Africa, remarked to her mother that for some reason, malaria was on the increase in Africa, to which her mom replied ''Well, they just won't wear condoms!''
36_11_6.gif
 
During the war, my mother joined a queue not knowing what it was for, but queues usually meant an item in demand but in short supply. A few other ladies in front of her had no idea either. Finally after some time she managed to get into the shop only to discover it was home made jam and she had no jar.
 
Here I am again, surely there must be more anedotes out there.


When the NEC was newly opened 1975/76 (I'll be corrected), I was living away from Brum and starting to do quite well. I took my Mum to the first Ideal Home Exhibition to be held at the NEC. After a few hours traipsing around I took Mum to the new swanky hotel on the site for afternoon tea. She was enchanted, comfy sofas and chairs, piano player and tea and scones. The bill arrived and I gave the waiter a tenner. As she was finishing her tea, she called the waiter over, "Can my son have the change please?". The waiter looked at me and I waived him away. "Mum, it was 4.5pounds fifty per head and a quid tip". She was dumbfounded, she said in a stage whisper that could be heard back in Witton, "Your Dad and me could live on that for a week"
 
...... and then there are the classics :
"Come down off that wall! It's far too dangerous! ........ well if you fall off and break a leg, don't come running to me!"
 
I recall a visit to my mother and upon answering the door she said "Thank goodness it's you - I thought it was those church people again". What church people, I asked. She said "Them Joanna's witnesses".

Another one was "You know your auntie Florrie has been in hosptial and very poorly". Really said I. "Yes, she's been on one of those sirloin drips".
 
My wife who was 7 years old at the time was invited to tea by her Grandmother. As she sat down at the table her Grandmother said " I hope you like raw hide". My wife not wanting to appear ignorant said "Yes Gran, sounds lovely". Her Grandmother said, "Good, turn on the telly, it's on in a couple of minutes"
 
Seeing the last thread mentioning the telly, reminded me of a comment my mother made after i had returned from the pub one sunday lunchtime. i said that someone had broken into the pub and stolen the telly, to which she replied Serves them right they shouldnt leave it where anyone can see it.
 
I took my son,Paul, then about 3 to visit my dear aunt Violet & she gave him a coconut topped biscuit which he really enjoyed. He is now well into his 40's but I always like to remind him of his polite request to her for another "hairy biscuit"......priceless.....

Margaret.
 
And i always smiled when mom asked me to wipe the compensation off the windows (priceless). All the best formula t
 
my mother who is 77 comes out with some absolute corkers..
when the paralympics were on i had gone down to see her and whilst sitting there watching the tv she asked my to pass her the bleeper for the tv.
I asked her what she wonted to watch her reply i wont to watch the cycling on the paraletic gym sticks i looked at my sister she looked at me and then we worked out mother had ment to say paralympics it took us at least 10 mins before we had calmed down through laughing to much.

Another one of her corkers came out the other day. She asked me if i had been into D J Max (i think we know where this is going) looking at her blankly i asked what she ment, you know she said D J Max at ventura in tamworth then it dawned on me she ment T K Max. now when its mentioned its known in our house as DJ Max in da house .

Mothers you got to love them
 
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