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BLIND MARRIAGES - A TRUE STORY

K

Kate

Guest
Blind Marriages

I was at a loose end after being devastated from losing a man I was engaged to through cancer, he was 25 and me 20. Some friends took to me a party and I met a young man who seemed interesting and different. In short, I married him and lived to regret it because of his violent and abusive nature. He liked to hurt me - but without leaving any marks. Maybe stories for another day.

After a particularly violent episode five years into our marriage, at a party one night where my husband knocked me down in the street as we were leaving, I heard a woman’s voice say “Stop that, or I’ll call the police” The next thing I was being dragged upright by my hair and forced into his car. He drove off at high speed and screeched to a halt finally in the car park of the units where we lived. I was slumped in the passenger seat and he wrenched open the car door and forced me out and up the stairs to our unit. When inside our closed doors he proceeded to smack me around big time. My face felt numb from the blows and my jeans were torn. Suddenly there was a rapping on our door. He shoved me aside and opened the door to two men identifying themselves as plain clothed detectives. The woman who had seen me being forced into the car had rung the police and told them the car registration number. My husband immediately asked had they a search warrant and, in the face of my husband’s bravado, I made a life-and-death decision. I showed my battered face around the corner of the room and the detectives just said “Will you ask us in Mrs ….”. I nodded and they just brushed my husband aside and entered the unit. Somehow my husband distracted the police and he ended up trying to choke me in their presence! They subdued him and made him ring my parents – in those days police had very limited rights in “domestic situations”. I had suffered many situations already without police help!

The police got me out of the unit finally and were distressed by my husband’s behaviour. He was screaming from the balcony of our unit and then started prowling around the police car trying to get to me. One of the detectives asked me if he had a gun – I said no, not that I knew of, but the detective was shaking and called for the “paddy wagon” and uniformed police arrived and arrested my “better half”. My poor mum and dad finally came having been dragged out of their beds in the middle of the night and took me to their home. My husband was taken away in the paddy wagon to face court. I ended up with two black eyes and a very swollen face and my nerves shot to pieces. He didn't suffer any court fines because I wouldn't agree to charge him. One of the detectives rang me later to beg me to charge my husband as he said "you don't know what I've seen". He'd seen many women with major physical injuries and thought my husband was definitely a dangerous character! Oh no, says little innocent me - he's sick! Yeah sick is right and from what I later heard he's still sick.

I never went back. My father came with me to my former family unit to pick up some possessions. We had a neighbour downstairs who had a disabled daughter. Her husband, a minister of religion, has suffered many attacks from liver cancer while I was living there and I and my husband (give him his due) used to go downstairs to help calm the daughter, who was in her twenties but had a mental age of about 12, when her father had his attacks. Finally the father died. When I went back to pick up my stuff after the big split with my husband this lady saw me on the stairs. She said to me severely “Don’t you ever come back”. I was mortified because I thought she’d heard the commotion when the police came to get me out. “Don’t ever come back”, she said. “My husband beat and kicked me when I was pregnant and my daughter is the result. No one would believe me because he was a minister.” Tears ran down my face as I looked into her eyes and I left that place, with her blessing.

No one deserves this kind of treatment. Thankfully I married again and have never had to face - words escape me - how do I describe it?
 
For my friend

You know you can't explain it Katie, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. You're a very brave woman who never hesitates to help others, I do know that. I'm very proud to have you for a friend. Nuff said.
With love always,
Grace
 
Ashamed

:( Katie,,, oooh,As a Man I aplogise for THAT example of our species :(

As a Gentleman I would pulverise THAT piece of muck or Any other "Man?" :twisted:
Who ever harmed a Woman or Girl,, I & most Men are so sorry :oops:
 
Blind Marriages

Kate, I'm writing this with tears in my eyes, I am so glad you managed to escape and find happiness in your second marriage. My only regret and probably yours too is that you did not press charges. This sort of thuggery in marriage still exists today and woman stand it for years before they actually break away, I had a neighbour when I was a young married woman and her husband beat her - but only once - I admired her so much because she went to the doctors, had the bruises photographed and told everyone her husband had beaten her - that takes a lot of courage- he never hit her again and they remained married many years until his death.
 
It sends shivers down my spine. I am so sorry you had to suffer like that Kate. What a monster.

:explode:
 
K8 - you like many others are an extremely brave woman

I have Zero tolerance against abuse of another human being.

I have witnessed similar to what you describe and you are so right in your statement, that we never really know what goes on behing closed doors, and as I have said in previous thread - it can be a woman abusing a man too - which is often mocked, and treated as a joke.

I dont know of an answer, but, its important for people to act and not turn away. The lady who called assistance for you was the catalyst in changing your life..............one human being.......making one decision.............put the wheels in motion..........and you are alive to tell your story.

Unlike you I cant give details.....but I assisted a woman once...........I feared that if my intervention was spurned, I would be leaving the woman in greater danger...............nevertheless I followed my heart. I didnt need to do much, she just needed support and facilitation to take the step..............and it felt good...yes that the woman was now safe.......but there was part of me that just looked at the 'man' (I use the term in the loosest sence of the word) and saw just how weak and childlike he was without his 'punchbag'
 
What creates these monsters in peoples heads, the monsters that push men and women to abuse other men and women? To punish those who do these things with further physical violence just re-inforces how powerful an act violence is, it solves nothing.......

It isnt just physical violence is it? surely the torture lies in the acts of mindless cruelty dished out in the form of words that slowly diminish the souls of those in the firing line? The veiled threats, and even the unspoken words, the carefully timed silence, all powerful weapons to a master or mistress of mental torture? It's so very sad :cry:
 
:D I agree with all that has been said above... I had abused Friends who have and are still being abused by words and actions. As Kate aptly called this topic 'Blind Marriages', you see we all know it goes on, but it is often very well hidden and until something major happens we don't know it is happening to close friends , or to in some cases on our doorstep in our own families.

Human emotions are a major part of the continuing cycle of abuse: Shame, failure, Egos, or a lack of self esteem. 'Love' (often the reason for not pressing charges). And the concept that one always has to put on a brave face (even for a much longer time the second time around).
How we change this I have no idea.

Pom :(
 
Control?

I think at the end of the day, it's the element of 'control'.

Control and power seems to be uppermost in the mind of the abuser, whether it be physical, mental or emotional.

So often, as in the poem that Jerry wrote - the abuser is so often liked by people who have absolutely no idea............'charismatic'.......like a Jeyell and Hyde.
 
Yes, the mental torture too - I experienced that - emotional abuse can be as bad.
I posted the story of this part of my life (and that's the important part now - it is onlya part!) so that any person seeing it on this site can take heart and have hope of a new beginning if they are in a similar situation.
Thank you all for your responses. :)
 
Dear Kate

This is horrific and i feel so sad that you had to experience such wicked treatment. Thank god that lady didn't look the other way (because it was no business of hers !!) I never care how nosy i might seem if there is a wrong i will dive in as well - because i always say the person who isn't a little bit nosy just doesn't care.

Why do these monsters inflict such terror on their wives, because lets face it they very rarely attack another bloke (but in your case he didn't seem to care who he attacked) And it is awful for all the good guys - and lets be truthful here i do believe that the the good ones are in the majority.

I was in Aldi the other day and some sergeant major type bloke came to the door and shouted "Get yourself outta here" i thought it was a joke, but realised he wasn't joking, he was calling his wife, who was stumbling along, in fact she looked as if she had some kind of brain damage, due to a stroke (or thinking about it now due to a beating from him) and the chap in front of me in the queue said "His sort give us all a bad name" and with that he shouted over to the Big Mouth - "What's the matter got no dogs to kick?" I just hope that the poor woman didn't pay for that.

But i also take Sue's comment that there are husband beaters as well, it is the stuff of comedy, but not funny if we know the chap on the receiving end - and i did; not that he was scared, but would never hit a woman; so he just used to walk out until she had calmed down, she was such a delicate looking little thing as well. Thank goodness that episode is now over, and 10yrs on he now has a lovely lady. But I wont say anymore.

Much Love to you Kate

Dotxxx
 
Dot, the best thing about my experience is that I got out and went on to live a pretty good life. Life is good now in our retirement and I have put that behind me, thank goodness. But I would hate to see my daughter do through anything like I did.
Thanks for your best wishes. It's good to have friends hey?
 
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